TOC 10 newbies run: the true story

Or even: what You-Always-Wanted-to-Know about TOC and our Guild Leaders but You-Were-Afraid-of-Asking... (part 1)

Thursday the 3rd comes and I'm ready to start the raid. I'm a bit worried about it: I remember how Serjeant Leannah treats us poor soldiers since our 1st ever VoA and Naxx runs and I'm quite sure this time he will show no mercy (and I have no chocolate cake left form Pilgrim's Bounty: i ate the all and now i do regret that...). My very first mistake (or even just being there without mistakes) will probably cost my place in our guild. That's why I have already planned how robbing guild bank right before having been guild-kicked...

Let's check who was signed for the raid, who isn't showing up, who is on the bench and I realize we still miss a tank, a surgeon and have to replace a DPS spot. Delle switches to Teddy Bear and sorts out tanking thing. Slink get the ranged spot while getting a healer might be a prob still.
Under the direction of Lieutenant Tesh (hiding in his hunter's robes) the war counsil is set in the stone: Let's get a pugger healer. No let's go 9 men it: aren't we Doomed Riders? No let's get another DPS...

SHUT UP!

Cries Serjeant Lea, who suddenly bumps in the room. “I WILL TAKE THE SPOT EVEN IF I HAVE TO KICK ALL OF YOU (but Master Tesh Ofc, Sir!). ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT?” Ofc noone says nothing and things are sorted. It's in times like these that you really appreciate what living in a democracy means...

“All of you scrubs (not Thee, ofc, Master Tesh, SIR!) repair, flask, eat and report here in a sec so we start!” “YES SIR!” and off we go.

“Have yuo ever heard of Gormok the Impaler?” says Lea on Vent. “Well, all you need to know is that if HE won't impale you I SURELY WILL if any of you fxxxx (censored) something up!” oh I do love being incouraged so kindly.
But even the best of us can make mistakes and so Lea says nothing about the worms. That's why we perfectly execute Gormok (my ears are still bleeding from Delle's gentle warning “TAUNT TA GIANT OFF ME!!!!!!” repeated about 20 times in a millisec, getting my chat pane explode each time) but, relieved of not going to be impaled by Lea's staff – I just realized why he uses a so-big-one... - we mess up on Worms.
“Grande: Where The Hell are you going?” “But, Sir, shoulnd't I kite him around?” “Sure yuo have to, while in the meantime: preparing dinner for me, clean up the Barracks, and get that darn paralizing toxin OFF US ALL!!!” Strangely he doesn't point out that he got caught in a frontal paralitic cone while showing up in front of Dreadmaw to scare him ... and i have to say that the sight is really scarinig since the worm eventually hides in the ground...
“NO NO NO NO. This isn't working. Any other wannabe tank around? I can't stand Grande anymore!” But this time I got lucky. He's paralized so he can't reach me and since it's quite late odds are that we aren't getting getting another tank. So he gives me another chance “Be warned, tho, if you do something wrong again you'd better get out of my sight forever!” (He's getting old, by the way, he has never be so kind to anyone. I wonder if that paralitic poison didn't hurt his brain cells as well ...)
So we switch sides: Delle on Dread and me on Acid. A couple of more tries and we get the hang of it..

Then it's Icehowl. That Big Yeti doesn't scare anyone. Lea yells: “You 6 – me within them - all but Lea, Slinko, Delle and Shanla – GO STAND IN HIS CHARGE PATH! I need to see if we are brave enough to 4 men him!” “But, Sir... won't he enrage at some point? What if Delle or Shan might happen to die ...” “NOONE IS ALLOWED TO DIE but you 6! I will ress anyone who dares to die in order to kill him myself right after!” His logic is perfect, I think, while he's busy with Icehowl, who freezes him and we cant hear his speech anymore.
But I heard his orders and, as any soldiers has to, blindly follow them. I am FAR away from Icehowl charge path and have to drink a speed pot to reach him while he's charging. DEAD, fortunately. He won't kick me then, I followed his will ... .

So the survivors kills Ice when he's red by anger and Delle gets all the loot.

“Good job guys ...” someone dares to say when Lea intervenes: “What a messy kill! All out and reset” “Ehm, Sir, you can't reset a raid...” “Ah, can't you? OK then all out and put TOC HC MODE!” “Ehm, Sir, we are all saved there, we cleared it an hour ago don't you remember?” “Ah, Oh, Yeah! So there is no other way than going on with you xxx (censored) here in TOC normal?” “No, Sir! At your command, Sir!” “Bah, ok let's go on” and he looks outside the Coliseum eager to get a replacer to my tanking, but there still is noone.

“Ok. Who are we going to face now?” “Lord Jaraxus, Sir.”. “I CAN'T HEAR YOU! WHO ARE WE GOING TO FACE NOW?” “LORD JARAXUS, SIR!”. “Yeh, I love when he kills the gnome. I would love to take his place sometimes...” mumbles Lea within himself while all of us get some space from him, you can never know... Tanks are sorted: “Grande how are DKS at AOE tanking?” asks Delle. And I: “they're good in my spec...” “They are good or they aren't” says Lea, “I cba spec (btw what does that mean? Is that a new gun?) I only give yuo one chance. Do much more of what you can or you're off!”. As usual his words fill me with pride of being a Doomed Soldier.

Jaraxus is summoned and it goes as smooth as ever. The Mistress tries a lapdance in order to distract me from my work but I know the Doomed Riders Rule #1: First the duties, then the pleasures (while i sneak my phone number in her hands trying not to get spotted by the Serjeant) and so she runs away leaving her spot to 3 Ugly Rocky Men a couple of times. The Fight is over and we realize we made it first try with no casualties, which is quite astoundishing. Even Lea can't say a word (we are worried he is gettin ill). Loot goes to Delle and Guild Bank (Nyc left so the hunter mail is wasted to him unfortunately).

(to be continued)

Have you all a great time!

Serjo

Brilliant stuff mate Pissed myself laughing You should be a writer IRL

True .... i think im getting soft in my old years.... come to think about it i think im beening to lenient to you all...

Hehe great stuff serjo this post always put a smile on my face... in looking forward to the continjuation....